|Volume No. 1 Issue No. 36 - Wednesday, January 29, 2003
| First Crushes Starts Flame
by Dr Emanuel Finn
Do you remember your first crush ? That person who the mere sight of either made you clam up or sent you into giggles. Looking back now, would you really have wanted to marry or be in a long term relationship with that person whose name you thought of and doodled with constantly? As we mature relationships change. Donít they?
Think back to those primary and high school days. Does the person you are today bear much of a resemblance to that thirteen (13) year old you once were ? For most of us, we sure hope not. Back then, the criteria someone had to meet in order to be your crush was very superficial.
Did the mere sight of your object of affection back then cause you to experience hormone induced jitters? Probably; was this person oblivious to your very existence on this earth or could care less if you were sick or ceased to exist ? Was that person to your thirteen (13) year-old eyes and mind absolutely Ďdrop deadí gorgeous more than anyone else, or could ever be ?
That was about it. The crush object changed often based on who happened to smile your way. Teenagers in their infinite wisdom and life long (short) experiences are a fickle and most interesting group of human beings. They have very strange ways of reasoning and arriving at conclusions; especially about love and romance. To them ,their parents and other adults in their old fashion and outdated opinions, just donít get it. At least so we thought when we were adolescents and teenagers.
Then came senior high school, forth and fifth forms. All of a sudden we had no time for those immature crushes of the previous (3) three long years when we were in the first, second and third forms. By now some of us were allowed to go to night dances and dates as long as we returned home at a fairly decent hour.
If we failed to show up at a decent time, we often paid for our tardiness in the middle of the night with a serious spanking and reprimand by our parents. Of course, we sneaked out in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping , or so we thought. By then we could even start to edge our way toward an actual girlfriend or boyfriend. Also the criteria, demands and rules started to change.
After high school, migration, college and /or real work began. Ah, freedom. You are probably living on your own, living as an adult and making your own rational good dating choices. Or so you think and hope. This is the period when many of us experience our first real serious relationship. Is this someone you want to take home to your family on various holidays and special dinners ?
Would you want to share a house with him or her ? Is this someone who can accompany you on a vacation trip, conference or cruise and return with both of you still speaking to each other? Now these criteria start to take more significance.
Can this person talk to you everyday and never get tired, uninteresting or bored ? Can they make you laugh and discuss all types of issues and agree to disagree on them and find compromise and common ground ? Is this a person who you can picture being by your side during happy, good, stressful and heartbreaking times and disappointments ?
Are you still attracted to this person even after sickness and depression ? Do you picture that Ďspecialí person with good family values ? Does this person make you start to think seriously about walking down the isle and the big word which starts with the letter ĎMí (marriage)?
Over the years all these criteria shape a picture of the type of person you eventually want a long term relationship with. In your twenties and thirties you hope to end up with someone who fits these ultimate criteria. Does this person feel like the one for you ? Well if thatís the case, then we can all agree that itís a far cry from that thirteen (13) year old, ďIs my boyfriend or girlfriend cuteĒ? Donít you think so? May be, then again, may be not.